Its all about life experience

Firstly I will apologise to anyone that takes offence with my post but for gods sake what is wrong with the kids of today.

So here I am, I have taken a day off to take lil emo smart clothes shopping for her 6th form interview later in the day.

She has asked me to wake her up at 7.30 so she can get ready, I wake her up at 7.15, why because I have to walk the dogs and wont be back by then, do I get a thank you….no, I get, its 7.15 I said 7.30. I turn and walk out, I have to spend the morning shopping with her so  I choose the walk away option.

For once in her life she is dressed, cement on face applied and ready to leave on time at 8.30. We arrive at the shops and I am promptly marched round every shop, a various assortment of clothes are flung at me and we debate on the suitability of most of them and therefore those I reject are thrown on the floor. After 3 hours we have managed to purchase, 3 dresses, 2 skirts, an assortment of blouses and shoes. What did I get, these bags are too heavy you carry them. Now for once in my life I turned round in the middle of Miss Selfridge and replied at the top of my voice, YOUR STUFF YOU CARRY IT OR LEAVE IT ON THE FLOOR. So the attitude is turned up a level and she proceeds to announce that her friends parents took her shopping and purchased two years of clothes. Now before I even have chance to respond a lady marches up to her and states that no one in their right mind purchases two years worth of clothes. I decide to add that in 3 months she will have grown said clothes will be out of fashion and as most of them will be slung on the floor so technically they will be lost. So I stomp and when I say stomp I mean a full-blown stomp out of the shop and head for home while lil emo struts and moans about how heavy her bags are behind me.

We are home and she is trying on her purchases and a decision is made as to what she is wearing, I pop up to have a look and Im totally dismayed by the fact that all her new clothes are slung on the floor, she is standing on them. So deep breath, I suggest she should hang them up and Im told she has no spare hangers. I fetch spare hangers which are also flung on the floor.

Off we go to her 6th form interview which she informs me is not for parents, I am surprised when we arrive……oh look parents are here, perhaps she got it wrong. I am no fool I know her too well. So in we go and we meet with the head of 6th form. Now im not really sure what I expected but I expected this sort of conversation, so what career are you thinking of, that didn’t happen.

Now lil emo had already submitted her choices, English Lang English Lit, French, Government and Politics and Photography, why because she wants to be a journalist, this girl will be the next Kate Aide however she will not be reporting on wars, oh no this girl will be starting them. Anyway we sit there and lil emo announces she now wants to change all her options to, Psychology, Sociology, Communications and something I have never heard of and Performing Arts…why…beacuse she wants to be a social worker but more importantly she wants to go to University. Now I can only assume the head of 6th form has clocked my confused face and starts going on about how great University is to gain life experience, poor man, I couldn’t help myself but launch into a fully blown rant.,

Dont make me laugh, life experience my backside, she can go and spend 6 months with her brother in Afghanistan or better still get off her bum and get a job. I am not, I repeat, I am not shelling out over 30 grand for madame to have a lifetime experience, go to Disney world better still do some charity work. Pray tell me what valuable experience is it she will gain from a few years dossing in a flat, eating beans, attending lectures and getting ratarsed at student gigs because quite frankly  I am not getting this one.

So needless to say we come away, lil emo has got her own way but has been given the warning, you want to go to University well you need to show some willing my dear, your sister has a part-time job and is saving take a leaf out of her book or forget it.

So some of you will perhaps think I am a terrible Mother, guess what wait until  your little darling turns into  a lazy, rude, ungrateful, attitude ridden emo.

My daughter just blew up the microwave – Part 2

Thought it was time to add to the never-ending list of blown up and lost items since I first created this post.

Yes that’s what I said, how? by leaving her knife and fork on the plate shoving it in the microwave and pressing the on switch and all she could do was laugh.  In 19 days she will be 16 and according to law can leave home, she wont but its a scary thought. This soon to be old enough to leave home has blown up or broken the following appliances/gadget within the last 12 months,

1, Laptop, apparently the dog jumped on her bed and sat on the screen so she says it’s the dogs fault.  Leaving bedroom door open, laptop on bed with screen open isn’t a silly thing to do so she claims.

2, 3 Blackberrys, first one she dropped, 2nd one she dropped that too and the third one was in her blazer pocket and she was going to the loo but had a cup of hot chocolate which also went in her pocket so when she bent down one hot chocolate flavoured blackberry, nice. All I can say is thank god I took out phone insurance, best £25.00 I have ever spent.

3, iPods, pretty much the same fate as the blackberry’s I think we are on iPod number 5. I have one of the first generation nano which is still going strong, how has it survived so long because she isn’t allowed anywhere near it. This might be the time to add we are also on docking station number 3, no idea have given up asking.

4, Headphones, countless with various excuses from the cat ate them through to I dunno.

5, Hairdryer, I think we are on number 3 now, all due to having hair dryer on full pelt on average for an hour at a time.

6, Hair straighteners, 2 so far for the same reasons as the hair dryer. I have hidden my GHD’s as she borrowed them last week  and when I went upstairs they had been on for 2 hours and were smoking.

7, Washing machine, twice ive had to have it repaired after she attempted to use it.

8, Camera, 1 so far that belonged to Mr F  and he wasnt a happy bunny. Apparently it must have been dropped. Shoving it in a drawer hoping no one would ask where it was is a silly thing to do.

9, Bus pass, I know it’s not a gadget but im on a roll now. So far this has been replaced 4 times at £10.00 a go and has been deducted from her pocket-money

10, House keys, I have given up… Mr F purchased a spare lock because its cheaper to change the locks every time she looses a key.

Needless to say she never gets asked to baby, dog or cat sit, water anyones plants in fact no one asks her for any form of help

Omg she has just asked for a camera for her 16th birthday *big sigh*

Update

So the big birthday came and went, she got the camera which is now broken She tells me she is no longer going to take A level photography so it doesn’t matter that the camera is broken *bangs head on desk*

so what else has she broken since the first post……….

Now up to 2 cameras

House keys, she has managed to misplace 2 more keys and now has to rely on being let in

Passport, she lost this so couldn’t go to Italy on holiday with her best friend and family

Another blackberry, yet again thank god for insurance

Her boyfriends iPod which he kindly lent her

Her boyfriends laptop which yet again he kindly lent her, the dog was blamed again for sitting on it again

My netbook, apparently it just stopped working one day…really

Her guitar, I am not going to even try to explain this one

Her bed yet again no idea but she woke up one morning and it had broken all by itself…random

The shower, pass on this one too

3 cream towels, she decided to dye her hair violet, needless to say they are all now ruined and been designated as dog towels

Another hairdryer

Sky remote, she admitting to dropping it on a stone floor

Another oyster card

Her CV en route to a job interview, apparently it was raining and she had forgotten her brolly so she used her CV instead to save her violet hair from the rain, needless to say they took one look at her hair and didn’t invite her back

An ode to emo 3

I can’t believe that she will be 16 tomorrow…

I started in labour at 6.00 in the morning, one twang and I thought hey up we are off. Having had 2 other children and not long labours but around 6 – 7 hours I thought I would have plenty of time so I decided to get up, shower and hit the ironing pile.

Ironing away at 7.00 and the pains started to get stronger so time to get everyone up and ready for the off. 7.45 kids dropped off at the child minder and I’m on my way to the hospital.  8.15 I’m on the labour ward trying to explain I need to push. I’m rushed to a room and at 8.22 as I am trying to get on the bed emo 3 enters the world like a bat out of hell…….

Emo 3 weighed in at 9.10, not what you would call a small baby but not as big as emo 1 who weighed in at 10.7, emo 3 started as she meant to go on……

As a baby she slept all night but during the day demanded attention all the time. As a toddler she was into everything and had no fear of anything. When she started school she was always in the middle of everything be it good or bad, many times I was called in to see her teacher because she had pushed someone or her favourite trick was to wind someone up and just stand back with her arms crossed watching the situation unfold. Every year she managed to get one of the lead roles in the school play, it would appear she loved to perform and would belt out songs chosen for the plays.

Emo 3 was keen on sports, running, long jump, rugby and horses were her passion. She wasn’t what you would call a girly girl. Most weekends she could be found bareback on a pony jumping whatever she met and belting out a song, no fear for her or her pony. She once jumped off the top bunk and landed eye first on a radiator, how she managed that one I still have no idea but had a massive black eye which she was rather proud of. She received a broken cheek during a rugby match and carried on regardless and she broke her ankle falling off her pony but it didn’t stop her getting up and getting back on. I was always in A&E and fortunately because I was a nurse and knew the staff I escaped the interrogation that a lot of parents are faced with when their child is injured.

I’m not really sure what happened but she went from being Mrs Moon face to Evil Lyn overnight at the age of 10.

So at the age of 10 everything stopped, no interest in sport or ponies.

The last 6 years can only be described as bleeding awful. I look back to how I was at her age and there is no comparison at all, I helped my Mum as much as possible and she certainly didn’t have to ask more than once.

Emo 3 has a nack for sarcasm but cannot take it when its thrown back at her. She has the weirdest dress sense and looks like a tramp and as for her hair it was orange it’s now mucky white and is soon to be baby blue. If you havent read my post ‘my emo just blew up the microwave’ in emos then have a look to see how ham-fisted she is.

Emo 3 has just taken her last exam and in her mind has no need for a GCSE in history so what does she do she excels herself by drawing a bonfire on her exam paper and writing the following ditty,

Build a bonfire, build a bonfire

Put my Milfy on the top

Put my ginger sister and tarty brother in the middle

And set fire to the bleeding lot

I receive a call from her school to advise of her latest stunt and quite frankly I don’t know what to say anymore however middle emo gets wind of the ginger comment and flips.

My house became a scene from Baghdad, middle emo has taken it upon herself to teach emo 3 a lesson…….

Middle emo in a rage, she has picked up the first thing she found which happens to be a plastic spatula and attacked emo 3. I am slightly relieved that she didn’t use a rolling-pin or a frying pan as the spatula appears to have come off worst. Middle emo has taken one set of hair extensions and tried to flush them down the loo, the other set have been thrown out of the window and run over several times. Various pairs of emo 3′s shoes are festooned from trees in the garden and some of her clothes appear to be in next doors pond. CD’s are smashed, make up is emptied and as her last part of revenge middle emo has taken a pair of scissors to emo 3′s random assortment of bracelets and now feels revenged by her actions. Me, well Mr F and I took refuge at Dads and left them to it.

I have no idea what will become of emo 3, she is going on to study A levels, well that’s if the school will still take her, her chosen subjects, politics, photography, french, english and journalism. She will probably turn out to be the next Kate Aide however it is very unlikely she will be reporting on troubles more likely she will be the cause of them.

 

Oh how I miss you Mrs Moon

Eek there’s an emo asleep in my bath and its not my emo

Just a little background about my ‘big emo’ to help you understand the dilemmas that I face with this one.

Big emo is 23, he works and technically hasn’t lived at home since he was 19 however work permitted he is home every weekend. Big emo is in the forces so at camp he is smart, punctual and his room his spotless.

Cue scene to Frazzle Towers, his room can only be described as a bomb site, there is not one bit of floor showing as the clothes on his floor are about a foot deep. Big emo drinks far too much diet coke and on my last count there had to be at least 40 odd bottles under his bed. One day they will explode and he will be squished against the wall. I refuse to go in there now unless it’s a life or death situation. In his defence his bed is always made.

Big emo has the morals of a slug when it comes to girls, his stance is they are way too expensive and anything more than once is considered to be ‘in a relationship’. Despite this he appears to be very popular with the ladies.

Now the house rules at Frazzle Towers are NO overnight female visitors, end of.

Big emo is very fond of a good night out and unfortunately the beer goggles go on and well lets say some of his friends with benefits can only be described as masshoosive mingers.

Bearing in mind the ‘house rules’ big emo has made it his life’s mission to bend this rule. On numerous occasions I have been faced with many awkward moments, quite recently he had a visitor and had left his bedroom door ajar, the Frazzle dogs smell sense detecting a visitor bowl straight in, heads under duvet for the poor visitor to wail like a banshee causing the frazzle dogs to think yay its playtime, turns out poor girl was petrified of dogs. Thanks to his ethos we wont be seeing her again.

So back to last night

Big emo announces he is off out and as always I say have a good time, be careful and remember no female visitors, the reply as always is, yes Mum.

As usual we all go to bed nothing odd there. Now I don’t know about anyone else but when I go to bed I hit the deck and Im gone, when I was 10 and on a family holiday I slept through an earthquake, my parents thought I was missing, I wasnt I was still in bed soundo.

Being of a certain age I now find I have to get up for a wee several times in the night and bearing in mind how deeply I sleep… So 5 o’clock this morning I need a wee, I trundle to the bathroom eyes still closed, no need for a light on because Im not really awake. Right this is probably way too much information….. Down I sit and off we go. Now if my ears are not deceiving me someones just said “howdy” from the bath. Ok I am now awake and the light goes on.

What happens next can only be described as a scene from a horror film, I find big emo’s bestie flat-out in my bath. Now I’m not sure who is more shocked me or him so cue the screaming from both of us. The frazzly dogs think I’m being murdered so add in lots of deep braying which soon stops when they realise who is in the bath, they would be useless if I was being murdered by someone I know. Now add in the girl emos and Mr F all trying to figure out whats going on and I’m sure you can imagine the chaos. Hang on, there is someone missing from this, big emo, so I charge into his room outraged, switch the lights on and find myself greeted by someones backside mooning at me. Now without being too personal this backside smiling back at me isn’t hairy and sure enough a head that isn’t his pops out of the bed.

The only thing I could think of was tea, tea is brilliant in any situation. So there we all are, my girls still laughing hysterically, Mr F shaking his head, frazzly dogs still think its playtime and the bestie from the bath just sat grinning at me. In walks big emo and visitor, big emo asks, are you making bacon sandwiches Ma?. Before I even have time to launch into any form of outburst his visitor announces she is a vegetarian.

I have no idea why bestie was in the bath, we have a spare room and its got a bed in it. I have avoided asking why he was in the bath as frankly I am still traumatised by the whole thing. If I find out he is relaying this via Facebook I will tell everyone about what he did with a slug when he was 6.

As for the mooning visitor well im sure we wont be seeing her again

Yolo BBG and emails from school

Those of you with EMOS’S,  definition “They all suffer from severe narcissism, leading them to believe that they alone know what pain is, and that no one understands them, when in fact they are simply experiencing puberty; just like everyone else is. They all believe that their personal affliction could not be worse, that their life in their quiet suburban house with their own television and computer in their room is not just the worst life they could have, but the worst life anyone has had, ever.”   Will know that no matter what you do or say it will always be wrong, they have their own language and style which most of the time is totally random.

My youngest has currently made it her life mission (when she isn’t blowing things up, breaking things or just losing them) to flaunt every rule going and currently its school that bearing the brunt of her attention. 

Below are a few emails from her school and my replies in Italics. Please note the fabulous spelling mistakes etc from her teacher who happens to be Deputy Head of the English department which is quite worrying……

 Dear

I am just emailing you to express both mine and other members of staff concerns about your daughters puntuality to school, out of the last 20 school days she has been late 12 times, prior to this she had an impecible record. I am concerned that when she does arrive she is still quite sleepy, obviously with the up coming exams it is more important than ever she arrives prepared and alert. Please could you advise me if there is any reason for her lateness and speak to her. I will speak to her today about her punctuality as it is now at a point where it could comprimise her chance of going to the leavers ball. 

Look forward to hearing form you.

Regards

 

Good morning

I have spoken to my daughter on numerous occasions about her time keeping and also her appearance both of which are unacceptable. It has been mentioned that I would receive a mail regarding her time keeping, there is no valid reason for being late however her reasons to me are as follows,
I’m doing my hair
I didn’t set my alarm
Greg does not have an oyster card
I’m nocturnal
Yolo – Okies BBG

The list goes on. I really am at a loss as she really isn’t taking anything seriously so I can only suggest she is not allowed to attend the leavers ball (cost of which will be deducted from her pocket-money) unless she improves 100%

Please feel free to keep me updated and I will continue to pull my hair out.

Dear

Thanks for your response, I will speak to her and I am going to ask  her head of year  also to have a word, I will keep you updated and lets keep fingers crossed. Thanks for your support. She also has a achievement co-ordinators detention this friday for lateness.

Dear 

I am contacting you just to update you on your daughter’s progress she has been on time since I last contacted you however her uniform has been causing concer. The stretcher as well as the non uniform shoes are an issue, please could you ensure she wears school shoes tomorrow.

 Many Thanks

Hi there

My daughter has school shoes and leaves the house wearing them so she should still be wearing them when she arrives at school.  I had no idea that she was still wearing the stretcher as I have been through the house and thrown every ear stretcher I have found in the bin and the wearing of ear stretchers has been banned from the house.

Leave it with me

Dear 

Sorry about this as I have been spoken to by the head about her appearance,  she has also been spoken to by  the head today.

She is still a lovely person but she just needs to stop bending the rules.

 Good Luck

It’s not a problem at all she just appears to have made her mission in life to flaunt every rule. I hope she grows out of it very soon.

The saga continues 14th June 2012

Dear

I hope you had a restful break, I just wanted to touch base with you about your daughter. The Deputy Head would like to speak to her at 1.20 pm tomorrow. She was hoping to catch her today at her revision session but she has not attended.

Hello there

 My daughter assured me she wasn’t due in at school today, I will ensure she is there. Is there a problem?

 Thanks 

Dear

I am not sure if there is a problem I am assuming that it maybe options related, also could you ask her to return the DVD’s she borrowed when she comes in. I hope you don’t mind me asking but what is a MILF and why does she refer to you as my MILFY

I give up………

My daughters just blown up the microwave :(

Yes that’s what I said, how? by leaving her knife and fork on the plate shoving it in the microwave and pressing the on switch and all she could do was laugh.  In 19 days she will be 16 and according to law can leave home, she wont but its a scary thought. This soon to be old enough to leave home has blown up or broken the following appliances/gadget within the last 12 months,

1, Laptop, apparently the dog jumped on her bed and sat on the screen so she says it’s the dogs fault.  Leaving bedroom door open, laptop on bed with screen open isn’t a silly thing to do so she claims.

2, 3 Blackberrys, first one she dropped, 2nd one she dropped that too and the third one was in her blazer pocket and she was going to the loo but had a cup of hot chocolate which also went in her pocket so when she bent down one hot chocolate flavoured blackberry, nice. All I can say is thank god I took out phone insurance, best £25.00 I have ever spent.

3, iPods, pretty much the same fate as the blackberry’s I think we are on iPod number 5. I have one of the first generation nano which is still going strong, how has it survived so long because she isn’t allowed anywhere near it. This might be the time to add we are also on docking station number 3, no idea have given up asking.

4, Headphones, countless with various excuses from the cat ate them through to I dunno.

5, Hairdryer, I think we are on number 3 now, all due to having hair dryer on full pelt on average for an hour at a time.

6, Hair straighteners, 2 so far for the same reasons as the hair dryer. I have hidden my GHD’s as she borrowed them last week  and when I went upstairs they had been on for 2 hours and were smoking.

7, Washing machine, twice ive had to have it repaired after she attempted to use it.

8, Camera, 1 so far that belonged to Mr F  and he wasnt a happy bunny. Apparently it must have been dropped. Shoving it in a drawer hoping no one would ask where it was is a silly thing to do.

9, Bus pass, I know it’s not a gadget but im on a roll now. So far this has been replaced 4 times at £10.00 a go and has been deducted from her pocket-money

10, House keys, I have given up… Mr F purchased a spare lock because its cheaper to change the locks every time she looses a key.

Needless to say she never gets asked to baby, dog or cat sit, water anyones plants in fact no one asks her for any form of help

Omg she has just asked for a camera for her 16th birthday *big sigh*