So its our 12th wedding anniversary and as usual neither of us has booked anything so I take it upon myself to sort. I spend 4 hours on the Tuesday before our anniversary being Saturday trawling round websites trying to find something not too posh and not too much like a travel lodge. Sounds an easy task but it appears everyone is getting married on the same day we did so I’m now struggling eek.
I eventually find somewhere and the write ups are not too bad.
So we are booked in for one night stay at the Who’d a thought it in Grafty Green, Kent, http://www.whodathoughtit.com/ now the panic begins…..
Those of you with kids, work, animals or an elderly parent will know to get one night away is almost impossible. So me and Mr F decide to have Friday off work in the hope we can get everything done leaving Saturday clear to sort Dad out.
Mad panic cleaning, washing, ironing, filling the cupboards and so forth takes place and by Friday evening we are both knackered. Saturdays here and we head up to Dads to do the weekly decrumbing, cleaning and so forth. Dad meanwhile has decided he is going to cook himself Sunday dinner, probably a good idea or the emo’ s will just feed him pizza or curry….
By 1 o’clock I’ve fed the emo’s, given them a masshossive list of instructions, walked the dogs so just the last min packing to do. Now not sure about anyone else but for one night away I have one small case with clothes and shoes in, an overnight bag with make up, toiletries, hair straighteners, blackberry, iPod, camera, kindle and Mr F has a rucksack containing his iPad, blackberry and goodness know what else…. Oh just one more bag that has the most important stuff in, tea bags, milk, sweeteners, bottle of wine, lemonade, orange juice and some croissants, you never know as they say.
Car packed and we are just about to leave when little emo announces she needs, not wants but needs my hair straighteners now. So blazing row about why she needs to use my hair straighteners when she shouldn’t have blown her’s up and so on. Little emo announces that I am such a selfish Mother as she cannot possibly go out with her hair in such a mess, now at this point I resist the urge to point out that straightening her hair isn’t going to make her look any better, her hair is now violet and she looks like this minus the glasses and wrinkles.
Why on earth anyone would want to dye their hair this colour, I have no idea why, needless to say she has been unsuccessful in finding a job during the summer holidays.
Anyway where was I, oh yes… so I now have the raving hump and stomp off to the car, great start to our romantic night away.
It takes us about an hour to get to Grafty Green, Mr F has decided to take the scenic route through the Kent countryside assuming the greenery and rolling hills will calm me down Actually it was a bag of Harribo’s star mix that did it, I was quite aggressive with those damn fried eggs and as for the teddy bears, well ……..
We have arrived and its looks rather nice
We head inside and are immediately offered drinks on the terrace, oh why not eh… So there we are sipping drinks on the terrace when I hear a laugh that can only be described as sounding like mutley from Wacky Races. Me thinks this lady may have had too much champoo, some of the things she is saying are quiet rude. Her hubby disappears to the loo and while he’s gone she sits there and groans then sighs then a few arrhs, no idea why or whats causing her to make these noises but we are both relieved when her husband arrives back. Before he has sat down she announces she feels like a gooseberry… random.
So there we are sipping our drinks when 2 blonde girls go to leave, now the grunting lady has definitely had way too much champoo, at the top of her voice she says, I’m sure that hair on those WAGS isn’t real and neither is that tan. Both girls continue to walk on by and head to the car park. grunting lady is now craning her neck as she is desperate to see what cars they drive. First a silver Merc draws past the window goes down and the WAG proceeds to give the grunting lady the V sign, then a white Audi convertible stops and the WAG gets out and politely says to grunting lady, some people should be seen and not heard, in your case you shouldnt be seen or heard, she gets back in her car and drives off. Well I nearly choked on my drink, meanwhile grunting lady wasnt impressed and announces to her hubby its time they left.
The receptionist comes out and asks would we like to be shown our room now so off we toddle. I had booked the Ruinart room,
Contemporary room with Jacuzzi spa bath. 32″ flat screen TV, DVD, Freeview, Hi-Fi.
Includes half bottle of champagne and full continental breakfast.
In we go and the receptionists tells us that the leopard skin dressing gowns are to be used but mustn’t be taken away….oh my days I can’t look at Mr F because I wont be able to stop laughing ha-ha
In the fridge is a bottle of champagne and some chocs, Mr F opens it, I must have orange juice in mine or I will be drunk….
Time to try on the dressing gowns which happen to be extra-extra-large, so this is me… err please excuse the socks
Now time to try the jacuzzi bath, lots of bubbles in and eek……
So after much tom foolery and clearing up of bubbles we decide we really should go and eat.
We sit outside to have some pre dinner drinks and its a lovely evening. Mr’s ears prick up, he hears a Porche, that man is a nightmare and yep he is right a 911 with its roof down pulls into the car park closely followed by a battered old Toyota. Both cars stop the Toyota is parked behind some bushes while the 911 is parked in prime view. Out of the 911 hops a chap in his late 60′s with a young lady perhaps in her late 20′s, a similar couple come from behind the bushes where the Toyota is parked, I’m sure some people decide to co-ordinate on nights out, both men are wearing similar shirts, trousers and shoes, the lady’s both in long black dresses, sparkly sandals and D&G sungogs plonked on their heads. We end up on the table next to this lot, the chaps sit next to each other but the wives do not sit opposite their hubby’s, Mr F points out the footsie going on under the table…. Oh I say, from the conversation they are regulars at the restaurant and have eaten their way through the menu…..yawn fat gits
The dining – breakfast room
Our waitress for the evening can only be described as Amy Whinehouse lookalike and as if on cue the background music plays back to black, I have to give mr F a quick kick under the table to stop him giggling. At one point she arrives at the table next to us with a load of sticky tape stuck to her bum, now I’m not cruel so I point it out to her and then end up having to pull it off her skirt, bless her she didn’t even bother taking it with her ha-ha.
For starters I have a tomato and feta salad, while Mr F has mackerel, for mains I have a flat-iron steak with dauphinoise, buttered seasonal veg and asparagus while Mr F opts for rib-eye with onion rings and chunky chips. I’ve never seen such a huge pile of onion rings and by god they must have come from big onions they were masshoosive ha-ha
It was all rather nom so with full bellies we decide to head back to our room. Mr F had downloaded a film on his iPad, The fantastic Marigold Hotel which we decide to watch well I say that but I can’t remember a thing as we were both soundo within 10 mins of it going on… That’s the thing with busy lives and nights away all you want to do is sleep so no bedroom action for us, sorry I know too much information!
Morning arrives and we opt for showers as I’m not clearing up a mountain of bubbles again.
Breakfast was superb and I’m rather taken with the tea cosy on my teapot
I want this tea cosy
I know its sad, I don’t get out much haha
So with heavy hearts we head back to Frazzle Towers and its a bomb site, I’ve only been away for 24 hours
I spend the rest of my afternoon with henry the hoover clearing up and have to say I’m exhausted so much for being relaxed. I have yet to watch ‘Boxer Cam’ which is a camera we had installed when my boxer Mollie was ill so I could log in remotely and check on her, comes in handy now to catch the emo’s out….I’m sure that will be the next post
So if anyone fancies a night away its a nice place to stay, the food is fantastic and its in the middle of nowhere, the rooms are themed, if you are feeling saucy the champagne and shoes room may just be for you……
It has mirrors on the ceiling and a pole, will let you use your own imagination
I not sure Mr F would be any good at pole dancing so I didn’t bother booking it