Life really does go backwards at 40

Oh My Days, I have chewing gum in my pants – PART 2

on June 15, 2012

I have been asked  how I resolved my dilemma so here is part 2.

Where did we get too…. Ok yep I’ve got it now 😉

Right so there’s me sitting in my chair having made up the most feeble excuse I can think of to go home and I am totally stunned at my stupidity.

So off I pop, when I say pop I actually mean walk awkwardly because every stride is painful. Driving my car home, people sat in traffic next to me must have thought Jeez what is that Nutter doing body popping in her car.

Believe me when I say Airwaves Black menthol chewing gum with eucalyptus is evil, I mean it is pure evil. If you have ever made the mistake of not washing your hands after deep heat or chillies…. well there you go.

I’m home and I still really don’t have a clue what to do next…….. So after a few very unhelpful suggestions below from friends,

Dick, Mad stare. Thanks Dick that was really helpful, Btw Dick is female

Mr F, various most of which I can’t repeat

Lil, google it, so I google removing chewing gum and,

Peanut Butter Method, use the toothbrush or comb to work the peanut butter in. Use long strokes down and outwards. If necessary, use a large spoon behind the affected hair to act as a firm base to brush the peanut butter on. If the gum is spread out, use more peanut butter. The whole idea is to dissolve the gum with the oil in the peanut butter . Sorry but that is a waste of peanut butter.

Spray on hair mousse. Apply as much mousse as you need to cover the entire area that the gum is stuck in. Use a comb and gently comb the gum out of your hair. Er no way am I trying to comb my lady garden.

Rub the area with alcohol. Rub alcohol into the affected area and it should come off in about a minute or so. Wash your hair with shampoo. Sorry but that is just a waste of Pimms.

Chocolate, melt some chocolate and rub some of the melted chocolate into the gum. The chocolate dissolves the chewing gum’s stickiness – so it can be brushed or combed out instead of having to cut it out. Haha hot chocolate on me foofoo I think not.

The list is endless….

So I’m now stuck with a lady garden that looks like it been invaded by bindweed, for those non gardeners bindweed is a vining plant that snakes its way across the ground and over fences, plants, or any other stationary thing in its path. It has medium-green arrow shaped leaves, and pinkish flowers that look like those of morning glories. Bindweed can grow four feet or more in length, and has deep, strong roots.

So the next option is waxing, I can’t have a landing strip but is there such a thing as side landing strips and thinking about it if I did have side landing strips would I end up with crusty the clown staring back at me.

Scissors next, Edward Scissor Hands eat your heart out. 10 mins later and I can still see chewing gum, I am so rubbish at topiary. So there is nothing for it but as a last drastic measure it will all have to come off.

I now look forward to in about 3 days itching like mad. Yes this is what I will look like.

I will be the one twitching, dancing on the spot whilst gurning,  this will happen at the most awkward moment in time.

Before I go there are just a few mentions Id like to say,

Dick I love you too bits but stop with the mad stares

Mr F you are just so wrong sometimes

SSB, I am so sorry your Mum laughed so much her teeth fell out, fancy reading it to your Mother

Bird, you really are the best, one I can’t believe you didn’t realise it was me and secondly neither of us has inside voices so your hooting, snorts and face puling was seen and heard by everyone on our floor

BBG, well what can I say you just crack me up

40 year old domestic goddess, Sorry I made you trickle

Last thing honest…

Remember dispose of chewing gum responsibly 🙂


6 responses to “Oh My Days, I have chewing gum in my pants – PART 2

  1. Julie says:

    Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha Ha!!!!!
    That is the funniest thing I have read in ages!

    I can certainly think of less extreme ways to have a bikini wax 😉

  2. Seriously, one of the funniest things ever! Thanks for all the tips though should I ever unwittingly follow in your footsteps.

  3. My advice would be dont 🙂

  4. Ruth2Day says:

    too funny. sticky pubes, a great story to remember and chuckle about in your senior years. 🙂

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