Life really does go backwards at 40

Eek there’s an emo asleep in my bath and its not my emo

on June 16, 2012

Just a little background about my ‘big emo’ to help you understand the dilemmas that I face with this one.

Big emo is 23, he works and technically hasn’t lived at home since he was 19 however work permitted he is home every weekend. Big emo is in the forces so at camp he is smart, punctual and his room his spotless.

Cue scene to Frazzle Towers, his room can only be described as a bomb site, there is not one bit of floor showing as the clothes on his floor are about a foot deep. Big emo drinks far too much diet coke and on my last count there had to be at least 40 odd bottles under his bed. One day they will explode and he will be squished against the wall. I refuse to go in there now unless it’s a life or death situation. In his defence his bed is always made.

Big emo has the morals of a slug when it comes to girls, his stance is they are way too expensive and anything more than once is considered to be ‘in a relationship’. Despite this he appears to be very popular with the ladies.

Now the house rules at Frazzle Towers are NO overnight female visitors, end of.

Big emo is very fond of a good night out and unfortunately the beer goggles go on and well lets say some of his friends with benefits can only be described as masshoosive mingers.

Bearing in mind the ‘house rules’ big emo has made it his life’s mission to bend this rule. On numerous occasions I have been faced with many awkward moments, quite recently he had a visitor and had left his bedroom door ajar, the Frazzle dogs smell sense detecting a visitor bowl straight in, heads under duvet for the poor visitor to wail like a banshee causing the frazzle dogs to think yay its playtime, turns out poor girl was petrified of dogs. Thanks to his ethos we wont be seeing her again.

So back to last night

Big emo announces he is off out and as always I say have a good time, be careful and remember no female visitors, the reply as always is, yes Mum.

As usual we all go to bed nothing odd there. Now I don’t know about anyone else but when I go to bed I hit the deck and Im gone, when I was 10 and on a family holiday I slept through an earthquake, my parents thought I was missing, I wasnt I was still in bed soundo.

Being of a certain age I now find I have to get up for a wee several times in the night and bearing in mind how deeply I sleep… So 5 o’clock this morning I need a wee, I trundle to the bathroom eyes still closed, no need for a light on because Im not really awake. Right this is probably way too much information….. Down I sit and off we go. Now if my ears are not deceiving me someones just said “howdy” from the bath. Ok I am now awake and the light goes on.

What happens next can only be described as a scene from a horror film, I find big emo’s bestie flat-out in my bath. Now I’m not sure who is more shocked me or him so cue the screaming from both of us. The frazzly dogs think I’m being murdered so add in lots of deep braying which soon stops when they realise who is in the bath, they would be useless if I was being murdered by someone I know. Now add in the girl emos and Mr F all trying to figure out whats going on and I’m sure you can imagine the chaos. Hang on, there is someone missing from this, big emo, so I charge into his room outraged, switch the lights on and find myself greeted by someones backside mooning at me. Now without being too personal this backside smiling back at me isn’t hairy and sure enough a head that isn’t his pops out of the bed.

The only thing I could think of was tea, tea is brilliant in any situation. So there we all are, my girls still laughing hysterically, Mr F shaking his head, frazzly dogs still think its playtime and the bestie from the bath just sat grinning at me. In walks big emo and visitor, big emo asks, are you making bacon sandwiches Ma?. Before I even have time to launch into any form of outburst his visitor announces she is a vegetarian.

I have no idea why bestie was in the bath, we have a spare room and its got a bed in it. I have avoided asking why he was in the bath as frankly I am still traumatised by the whole thing. If I find out he is relaying this via Facebook I will tell everyone about what he did with a slug when he was 6.

As for the mooning visitor well im sure we wont be seeing her again 😉


12 responses to “Eek there’s an emo asleep in my bath and its not my emo

  1. OMG .. I want to come live with you as I think I might just develop a six pack with all the laughter!! *mental note to self – must register son into a monastery asap*

  2. Even better idea lets just swap 😉

  3. TammyeHoney says:

    You just reminded me of why I moved States away from my two lovely daughters lol…who are both in their 30 plus category however son in laws do parade in under shorts

  4. I still think I should just move 😉

  5. I wont live it down haha 😉

  6. I had to google ‘what is an emo?’ 🙂

    Thank god for the frazzly dogs x.

  7. mummilymoo says:

    Hilarious, you have such talent at writing and description. Brilliant

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