Life really does go backwards at 40

Two white vans and a tow rope

on July 4, 2012

Thought it was about time I should write something about Mr F, today he gave me the perfect ammunition. So before I tell his tale of woe here’s a little bit of info about Mr F….

I’ve been married to Mr F for 12 years this month and I’ll bog about our honeymoon in Kavos later, yes I did say Kavos. I wish that I had met him years ago but didn’t so there you go. Mr F is a great guy but he has 2 faults that wind me up,

1, Patience – He has the patience of a saint when it comes to most things apart from driving, woe betide anyone that crosses him in his truck, god help you as this man invented road rage. I was once subjected to one of his frenzied outbursts, his red mist was so bad he hadn’t even registered it was his wife causing mayhem ahead.

2, His obsession with gizmos and gadgets. Our house is like the star ship enterprise, I have no idea how most things work in this house but we have everything from wonky vision (im sure that wonky vision is a wind up) to stuff in the clouds, boxer cam, remote detectors for everything.  If I get a text I have no idea what the heck it’s about. On the plus side all I have to do is press a button and music is bluetoothed to my hearing aid, bless ya Mr F. Mr F’s obsession of gadgets is also extended to his car, truck whatever it is.

So moving on,

Its time for Mr F to change his car, now this is the only one purchase that Mr F makes that I supervise. I will add I am insured to drive his car but I am not allowed as my right foot is too heavy and causes Mr F’s economy to go through the roof.

Off we go to the local dealership, car purchased with extras thrown in just to get rid of us. Delivery day arrives but unfortunately they have forgotten to put the side rails on and dog guard in, no problem they offer to pick the car up apparently its a 2 hour job so yet again no problem.

Phone call from the garage to say they will pick the car up from his work tomorrow and deliver it back later that day so all is well…..

Mr F is at work and the chappie hasn’t arrived by the promised 9.30 so Mr F is slightly tense as he has meetings and needs to leave the office by 2. Over the next two hours I get a number of calls from Mr F informing me that his car is still sitting in the car park and if they don’t hurry he wont make his meetings. Now I’m not sure if it’s just me but I resist the urge to state the bleeding obvious to him, why don’t you just call the garage. 2.30 arrives and I get a call from Mr F which goes something like this,

Mr F, My cars gone.

Me, Oh that’s good then.

Mr F, No it’s not.

Me Oh why’s that then.

Mr F, Because the bloke claims he left the garage at 9.00 and rocks up here at 1.45, couldn’t resist asking him where the fek he’d gone via.

Me, Oh what did he say.

Mr F, He had some errands to run. That’s not the best of it, they are keeping my car.

Me, Really, thought it was a 2 hour job.

Mr F, Well it’s not now and I’m not happy. I’ve only just programmed the car with addresses and so on, I’ve had to transfer the contents of my boot and now I’m running late.

Me, So they gave you a car then.

Mr F, Yes they did but when he pointed out it was the same as mine I had to tell him er it’s not, mine is black, that’s blue and if you look very closely that’s a different registration number to mine, in fact the only thing that is the same is it’s a feking diesel.

Now this is the point I usually say nothing and just make oh and ah noises as a sign of comfort. Never ever try to tell a man something is the same when it’s clearly not.

So off Mr F goes on his travels and arrives home later that evening grumpy because that’s not his car, truck on the drive. Next morning Mr F is still grumpy and off he goes, now his journey usually takes him about an hour but by an hour and a half later has hasnt rung. I eventually get the call and it went like this,

Mr F, Did you get to work ok.

Me, Yep, you.

Mr F, Had a bit of trouble on the way in.

Me, What did you do.

Mr F, Well, I was stuck in traffic and this white van pulled out in front of me, that’s ok I can let the odd van out.

Me, You must be tired then this morning, not usually like you letting traffic out.

Mr F, That’s not the best of it, the van in front stopped very suddenly and the weird thing was another white van appeared from nowhere and nearly rammed me up the arse.

Me, Ah well it’s not your car so don’t worry about it.

Mr F, No listen I’m trying to tell you, I havent finished yet. 2 blokes jumped out of the van in front and another 2 from the van behind me.

Me, Oh god, what did you do this time.

Mr F, Well I got out didn’t I, one of them was giving it large amounts of verbal and I’m not having that.

Me, Er why was he giving you verbal if you let him out.

Mr F, Well that’s what I thought so I gave him a load back and it wasnt until he picked this rope up and said I’m feking towing the van behind you moron that the penny dropped.

Me, What.

Mr F, I was sandwiched between 2 vans the one behind me being towed by the one in front of me.

The scene that Mr F described is chaos, Mr F is stuck between 2 white vans, 3 blokes are shouting at him, 1 is wiggling a tow rope in his face meanwhile there is a huge roadblock behind them so lots of irate people and tooting of horns.

Me, Lets just say lots of snorting, hysterical laughter and so on.

Mr F, It’s not funny, we had this huge argument about him not having a sign saying he was towing and the fact the rope he was using was far too long.

Me, What did he say.

Mr F, Dunno, I got in the car and drove off but he was still giving me hand gestures as I was going down the road.

Now this isn’t the end of the story because this car doesn’t belong to Mr F, it belongs to one of the salesmen, who might I add has been subjected to rather a lot of verbal abuse and road rage by 2 white vans. So when Mr F gets a phone call this morning from the sales chappie who questions Mr F as to whether he had any issues while driving his car, Mr F pleaded ignorance and blamed the driver who collected his car. 🙂


4 responses to “Two white vans and a tow rope

  1. Ruth2Day says:

    LOL! brilliant story.

  2. Poor Mr F. I hate it when Mr B has a car drama. Hope it’s all sorted now x.

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