Life really does go backwards at 40

Tissue Gate… War Is Declared

on July 27, 2012

If my nicely washed clothes come out of Hugo one more time looking like this

I will NOT be held responsible for my actions.

Where in the ‘manual of wifedom’ or the ‘how to be a parent’ book does it say empty their pockets… NO FEKING WHERE. Actually I lie slightly I haven’t read any books on wifely duties nor parenting because quiet frankly most of them have been written by people with no common sense.

At what point does your family lose the ability, actually scrap that as I’m not sure they have the common sense to put their hands in their pockets and remove the items they shoved in there, clearly I don’t have enough to do and I am not a goddess of domesticdom.

So I am responsible for ruining many things which have been in pockets,

Return train tickets

Endless £10 and £5 and the odd £20, most of which dry out extremely well on the window sill



Bus pass



ID Card

Phone numbers


Mobile phone




For feks sake I’ve even found a cup in the washing machine once after it had been mistaken for the dishwasher

The list is endless

So back to my washing, I have a pair of black trousers that now look like they’ve been snowed on. Lint roller….scrap that, selotape…. scrap that, I havent got all day so back into Hugo they go.

Do I get a sorry Mum, do I fek but what I do get is, Mum you’ve washed my jeans, my bank card was in my pocket. So the clothes in the washing basket do not need washing, they are obviously there for another reason, perhaps this is just a stop-gap towards the bedroom floor or perhaps under the bed.

Next time this happens I will  either

Take a pair of scissors to their clothes

Chuck their clothes in the wheelie bin

Or just burn the fekin lot


4 responses to “Tissue Gate… War Is Declared

  1. optie says:

    The worst thing I have had left in a pocket was a red paper napkin – the colour bled all over the garment and onto other bits of laundry. Deep breath – it’s the weekend!

  2. Oh dear thats not good at all 😉

  3. Ruth2Day says:

    my hubby leaves tissues, plastic bags, nuts, bolts, coins and paper clips in his pockets. While my daughter leaves pens, lighters and hair clips. Drives me nuts!

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