Life really does go backwards at 40

The Ninja half the age of my boobs bra fitter

on August 10, 2012

Bra fitting, what can I say……

There comes a time in life when you can’t put it off any longer, having previously tried M&S and Debenhams both gave me different sizes I was at a bit of a loss until a friend suggested Bravissimo so I thought I’d give it a go. Now I’m not what you would call average shape being that I’m a size 8 and my boobs are now totally masshoosivly out of  proportion which makes my top half a size masshoosive and the bottom an 8. Buying dresses is a nightmare they either fit on top and hang like a tent on the bottom or I end up looking like a milkmaid on top while the bottom half looks fine.

I need to tackle this before they end up by my knee’s. After the recommendation I gave Bravissimo a go.

I am greeted by a girl called Jenna and yes I mean girl my boobs are at least twice her age, she welcomes me and is quite short so she is eye level with my boobs now nicknamed Dolly and Faith, the eye level bra fitter tells me they don’t measure its all done by eye….panic.

I am promptly ushered into a dressing room, I say dressing room but I’m not sure it is, the room is lined with mirrors, neon lights, a podium in the middle and if my eyes don’t deceive me that’s a dressing gown hanging in the corner. I am asked to stand on the podium and handed the dressing gown, cue panic yet again…

Did I put good pants on this morning or am I wearing my faithful grey sloggi’s, oh I could cry, what am I doing.

My face must have given my despair away,  on cue music is piped through the room, ocean waves crashing a against rocks I think it’s called, but this isn’t good because the water flapping is going to make me want a wee. Jenna starts to reassure me, she has seen many ladies boobs and I shouldn’t be embarrassed. Embarrassed I am mortified, not only is she eye level with Dolly and Faith, they are twice her age and no one but Mr F gets to see them. Oh my days what to do.  I can’t run because she is stood in front of me, I have no choice but to strip.

So there I am stood in front of a child in my underwear which thank god isn’t grey and isn’t the faithful sloggis in a room surrounded by neon lights stood on a podium whilst water music is piped around me and I need to wee, oh my days what was I thinking of. That thought is quickly removed when Jenna grabs bra clad Dolly and Faith and proceeds to hoik them up under my chin while making rather strange grunting noises, she hoiks them up and tells me this is where they should be sitting. I resist the urge to say I don’t want to be chin slapped by Dolly and Faith. So more hoiking and grunting takes place and I’m told I am wearing the wrong size bra.

This child tells me she is off to find bra’s so I am left standing on a podium in a neon mirrored room with water music playing in the background thinking WTF am I doing.

Jenna promptly returns with an assortment of bra’s like some mad bra grabbing ninja that she is.  Apparently it is time to release Dolly and Faith, as bra ninja is stood right in front of me and eye level with Dolly and Faith I have no option but to say, you might want to stand back……

Bra ninja proceeds to whip round me arranging Dolly and Faith into various bra’s, she truly is a ninja, as soon as one is on much hoiking and grunting takes place the bra is then whipped off and flung on the floor to be replaced by another. My head is spinning she is moving so fast, my arms are up, down up down I cannot keep up with this boob ninja.

Before I know it boob ninja has selected 5 bra’s for different occasions, work, sport…err why?  You name it there was one for every occasion, yet again she works like a ninja and Dolly and Faith are promptly nestled in the chosen few.

It was a harrowing experience, I expected an older lady and got an eye level child half the age of  Dolly and Faith bra fitting ninja, in fairness she was actually very good I just wasn’t prepared, however I will be eternally grateful I didn’t end up looking like this 😉


9 responses to “The Ninja half the age of my boobs bra fitter

  1. Ruth2Day says:

    The grey underwear fear! Know it so well LOL!
    Sent via my BlackBerry from Vodacom – let your email find you!

  2. I actually really like the bra fitting. I then sit back and wait for them to scurry round fetching me lots of gorgeous underwear 🙂

  3. BBG says:

    OK – where the hell did you get that photo of me? I thought I’d destroyed the negative along with the pink t shirt !!! Nearly peed myself picturing you aloft a neon lit pedestal – take me next time pleeeeaaasse !!!!! Xx

  4. optie says:

    Oh those dreaded bra fittings, I have never been satisfied with what a bra fitter has chosen for me. Hoiking the girls up to where they are supposed to be does not necessarily equate with comfort 😉

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