Woohoo *doing cartwheels* well I would if my knee’s werent playing up!
A big fat MASSHOOSIVE thank you muchlies to everyone that keeps on voting for me.
The first 3 chapters of my book and synopsis are now avaliable for you to read and vote for (if you like the book)
DIARY OF A FRAZZLED MOTHER
Meet the Frazzleby’s
Mrs F, wife, mother, daughter, friend and general mug.
Mrs F is your average 44-year-old full-time working mother who has tracked the events of the last four years through a diary after giving up talking to the kitchen wall.
Some describe her as having a split personality
At home she has her head in the clouds, always running around after someone or something.
At work she is often described as ‘Marmite’, you either love her or hate her. She works in a male dominated environment and her male colleagues are convinced she has bigger balls than them.
Mr F is your typical 45-year-old bloke who has an obsession with sell by dates and suffers from extreme bouts of road rage. Mr F spends most of his time refereeing, rescuing Dad, removing hair dye from the bathroom walls and ceiling, staring googly-eyed at his alpacas and generally avoiding the neighbours.
Big Emo is 25, in the Armed Forces although manages to come home most weekends. When it comes to women he has the morals of a slug and considers anything over two dates as ‘in a relationship’ which he doesn’t want. Big Emo spends most of his time updating Mrs F by text as to where he is, what he is doing and who he is doing it with. Big Emo has an assortment of friends that treat Frazzle Towers as their second home much to the annoyance of Mr F.
Muggle Emo is 19, away at college, retaking her final year of A Levels. Of the 3 Emos she is the peace keeper unless you happen to mention the word ‘ginger’ and then all hell breaks out.
Lil’ Emo is 16 and has just started her first year of A Levels. Lil’ Emo wants to be a journalist although she isn’t very diplomatic and has the ability to start a fight in a different county. Lil’ Emo is obsessed with dying her hair and trying to convince Mrs F she should be allowed to get something other than her ears pierced.
Wants To Be A Vicar – boyfriend of Lil’ Emo and so named because he wants to be a vicar.
Dad is 85, recently widowed and lives 10 minutes from the Frazzleby’s. Recently diagnosed with dementia or in his words “I’ve got dimensions”. He often needs rescuing, gets lost on a regular basis and has a tendency to turn up for Sunday dinner on a Wednesday morning when everyone is out. Dad has Mr & Mrs F’s mobile numbers on speed dial and is not afraid to push the button….
Mrs Mop, the ageing cleaner, spends most of her time eating sweets and watching daytime TV with the Frazzleby dogs.
Bruno the boxer dog is 7 and as mad as a box of frogs; he loves everyone and everything and has a severe drooling problem. He loves cheese and the vet but hates small dogs and Hector the cat.
Marge the British bulldog is 2, very bossy, lazy, snores like a pig, bottom burps and is often described as “fuggly”. Marge will do anything for food and hates going for a walk, cars and other dogs.
Hector the cat is 12 and spends most of his time fishing in the neighbours pond or winding Bruno and Marge up. Hector loves hair extensions and has an assortment of extensions belonging to Lil’ Emo hidden in his basket.
Alfie the horse is a 12-year-old bay gelding. Alfie likes the slower pace of life unless it’s on his terms and can turn into a bucking bronco at the drop of a hat. He loves doughnuts and swedes but hates donkeys, pigs, sheep, alpacas and people that whistle and has been known to throw swedes at anyone that whistles outside his stable.
Dumpling now renamed Houdini is an 18-year-old fat pony that the emos are now too big to ride. He can escape from anywhere and hates everyone and everything and only loves Alfie, much to the annoyance of Alfie.
Jock and Derek the alpacas, both of whom belong to Mr F and spend most of their time being moved away from Alfie, who hates alpacas. They love going for walks and hate dogs and Houdini.
Lucy the sheep spends most of her time being guarded by Jock and Derek and avoiding Alfie.
Dotty and Mabel, the pot-bellied pigs, spend most of their time wallowing in mud, chasing Houdini and generally getting in the way.
SIL, who spends most of her day in the gym or playing golf and her evenings plotting career plans for her children also known as ‘practically perfect niece and nephew’
Practically perfect nephew, 18, currently studying A Level Maths and Physics; vegan and spends most of his time with his head in a book.
Practically perfect niece, 16, just started A Levels; wants to be a lawyer, is vegan and is allergic to everything.
Loon 1 and Loon 2 (Mrs F is referred to as Loon 3) All horse people, given the nicknames of the 3 Loons due to their antics, all will become clear later.
Lizzie is fun-loving and kind-hearted; blonde by name and by nature.
Eva, friend and co-worker; people describe Mrs F and Eva as a married couple because they bicker like one…
Anna, friend and co-worker; now works in a different office for the safety of others.
Mrs R, otherwise known as the boss and Twitter friend.
Mrs P, otherwise known as the shoe lady and Twitter friend.
Mrs S, otherwise known as the funny one and Twitter friend.
Mrs 2, the other bossy one and also a Twitter friend.
I’m from Exeter, slightly potty Twitter friend.
Dear Diary, Dear Book, Dear Wall
It’s a New Year and I have decided that I will make one resolution and that is to make a daily list and complete everything on it, so here goes today’s ‘to do list’.
Find somewhere to put Mum
Dry cleaner run
Sort work clothes, bag etc. for tomorrow
Top up Lil’ Emo’s finger for school
Ring the vicar about Mum’s funeral
Take Dad’s shopping round
Write updates in Diary
Ask Loon 1 (number 1 horsey friend) to ‘do’ the animals tomorrow as it is first day back at work
Actually I am quite surprised, why haven’t I written lists before? No wonder I don’t get anything done.
If you have enjoyed reading this so far and would like to read the rest of the story, please click the link and vote for me, Julia Frazzleby.
Thank you muchlies http://tinyurl.com/c2g5cs3